To Drive in DC is to drive in a perpetual state of fear. Either you are in the left lane and the person in front of you might need to turn across traffic at any point, or you can drive in the right lane and discover that is has somehow become parking regardless of signs or common sense. Both options have the same inevitable out come, putting on your turn signal to try and get out from behind the vehicular obstacle and swearing at everyone and everything that has brought you to this point in your life.

Do you own a kitchen stick, let me rephrase that have you ever bought a orchid thinking you were brilliant at the time. This wonderful example of flora  will really change the chi flow of the room. Next thing you know despite your flawless planing it ends in you owning a $20 stick barren of petals or any sign of life, and you are driven glum with people asking “Why do you have a stick in your kitchen?” It’s not a stick, it’s an orchid you insensitive bastard.


I find it strange and very funny that tiny humans need to be taught how to be big humans. “No Roman don’t eat SpaghettiOs off the floor.” “Roman! Don’t bite your sister.” “Roman you can’t lick the bug zapper!” Things you never thought you would have to say, have to be said to teach this tiny creature how to not accidentally kill its self.


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