Have you ever noticed that the Van Diagram of people who do kink, polyamory, and dancing are almost a perfect circle? In this post we will discuss some of the overlaps between these things.
If you want to participate in any of these you have to have a good grounding in consent. You cannot dance with, date, or tie up people without communication and check-ins.
I have always said that dancing (swing, blues, or contra among others) with someone is a great way to find out if you want to sleep with them. You will find out how good they are at consent checks, if they think to ask about if you want to lead or follow rather than depending on gender rolls, you will know in general how well your bodies move together, and of corse you will find out what its like to have this person sweaty and panting on top of you.
Dancing is also a great way to change your perspective of sex and relationships. I am not mad at my boyfriend for dancing with other people. I like to know he is having a good time dancing with people who have a different style than me. Just because he dances with someone else does not mean he does not want to dance with me anymore, also sometimes he learns something new from them that he can later share with me, pretty neat right?
Polyamory cannot work without buckets of communication. A lot of how we make relationships “work” without talking is by having culturally established norms, things like he will pay for the date, she will remember where the keys got left, that kind of thing. This is all a bunch of hooey in my option, for one it often does not work even in culturally standard relationships and leads to their downfall. Secondly with the acceptance of gender fluidity on the rise these bullshit gender rolls start to be questioned, bout time too.
So if you want to start having sexual and or romantic relationships with more than one person that means you have to throw out society’s guide book on how to relationship. Now you have to make your own rules with your partners and figure out what works for you. Also there are lots of good books to help you establish your own boundaries More Than Two, and Opening Up are fantastic. I also liked The Ethical Slut though since it was written by two aging hippies they are not great at pronouns and the info is a little out of date.
Kink has some of the most intense consent culture in my experience. I did a BDSM 101 class once and the first 40 minutes was just discussing consent, safe words, check ins, and scene negotiation. This makes a lot of sense since the consequences of miscommunication can be incredibly harmful if you screw them up in kink land.
Studies have shown that people who are into BDSM are often better balanced and happier people. If you want to get into kinky things it means you have to check in with yourself, see what you are really interested in, know your limits, and be unafraid to discuss them with someone else. There is no room for you to be ashamed.
So poly, kink, and dance. All of these things require you to check in with yourself and your partner(s), all three are tight knit communities that help each other out, all three require a lot of work to get good at, and it is understood that you will occasionally fuck up and you will be held responsible when you do. All three involve letting go of the rules pressed upon you and stepping outside of society to find something more forfilling. Also all three involve a lot of sweat. Remember to hydrate.
Also all of these things are A+ counter culture, fighting the man and doing what feels good and right for you as long as everyone is a consenting adult.